Now you might be asking what an existential crisis is. So here it goes: An existential crisis in a state of fear you find yourself in when thinking about the future and realizing that you have absolutely no idea nor a plan for whatever comes next. And then you realize that whatever comes next is approaching fast and you NEED a plan or at least an idea that you can follow. And that feeling of total confusion, "HELP I DON'T KNOW! HOW CAN I KNOW? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" and "AAAAAGGGGHHHH!" is an existential crisis. If you are wondering, yes I do thing "aaaaggghh!" and would love to answer "aaaaagghhh!" when someone asks me what I am planning to do with my future, but that wouldn't really answer the question so you are bound to admit that you have no idea and let them judge you (Or give you way too much information about possible future jobs that you could try). Now the main question I am asking myself is:
How am I going to figure it out?
There is no such thing as the ultimate plan where nothing will go wrong! There is no "higher aim" you are trying to reach to have the best opportunities like it was in school. We all tried to reach the best graduation possible. In Germany this would be that you are doing you A-Levels preferably with a good GPA. All I did was focusing on reaching my aim and not really planning out what I will do afterward. I thought about doing an au pair year, but the downside is that I will come back to Germany, yet with no plan what to do and maybe missing important tests I need to take in order to be able to study. After spending quite some time thinking about it I figured that maybe an Au-Pair Year isn't the way for me. The upside of things is that I now know that I can cross that of my list of thing I could do, the downside that I still have no Idea what to do with my life. Shall I study? What shall I study? Where is the next university to study the chosen topic? Am I going to have to live alone or am I going to be able to stay at home? Questions over Questions. Trying to solve all of them at once seems impossible so I started with taking tests which course of studies would fit to me and then judge the test because it gave me weird results. I am not saying that that is the safe way, but taking tests, visiting Universities and contemplating whether a course of studies sounds interesting to me or not, furthermore if I like the jobs that come along with it, is a step in the right direction. Yet it could happen that I finish my A-Levels still clueless, but saying that I at least work on it and try to find a way is helping me out a lot.
This is just the way things are for me at the moment and a little update since I started this blog by saying "I AM DOING AN AU-PAIR BECAUSE IT IS WONDERFUL!". It still is a wonderful thing and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to have a break for a year! I will probably do a blogpost on this topic early next year when I figured things out completely.
During the time I spent figuring out what I want I realize something for me crucial:
It is okay to have no plan and be confused and it certainly is okay to feel bad because of it! I talked to so many people by now that feel stressed and anxious thinking about the future. I am not alone in this situation. There are many people being just as confused as I am. Furthermore there are always people who want to help. If it is your Mom doing research for you, your Dad giving you his opinion on certain plans of yours or public institutions like universities giving you the opportunity to inform you and guide you on your way finding the perfect course of study for you.
If there is any piece of advice that I wish I had gotten earlier rather than figuring it out on my own than it has to be that it is okay to be confused and overwhelmed!
I really hope you enjoyed this kind of way too long, babbly style blogpost! If you did and you want to be notified whenever I upload a new blogpost, make sure to subscribe to me via bloglovin or via email, you can find both options in the sidebar.
And as always: I hope you are all having an amazing week
Love: Kiki ♥
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